Smrt Lernins

To all the bigots,
To all the bashers of any[one/thing] non Xtian,
To all the misogynists and the homophobes,
To all the ones who equate being gay with being a sexual predator,
To all the ones who subtly or not-so-subtly blame women for their assault because of how they are dressed,
Or because of how they act,
Or how they don’t act,
Or because they had already had sex once anyway so what does it matter,
Or because they had the misfortune to be born with dirty-dirty vaginas and uteri instead of Paul-approved penises,
To the ones who throw around the word “heretic” as though it were the 16th century,
To the ones who throw around the word “heretic” without realizing how incredibly damn ironic it is for a Calvinist Protestant to call someone a heretic,
To the ones who call anyone who believes in a different flavor of Christianity a sinner,
To the ones who shame their daughters for being anything other than their primitive and controlling version of “feminine,”
To the ones who shame their sons for being anything other than their primitive and controlling version of “masculine,”
To the ones who claim to “love the sinner, but hate the sin,” when you obviously hate both,
To all of you who would rather keep your children ignorant than risk them learning something that’s outside your teensy little bubble…

We will win.

We “heathens” and “heretics” and “sinners” will win.
We will win because we have less shame about our bodies.
We will win because we aren’t afraid to accept new ideas.
We will win because we can distinguish between evidence-based science and something written by men, translated by men, voted on for inclusion by men, preached by men, and enforced by men.
We will win because we don’t think someone or something made us inherently wrong or bad.
We will win because we will not teach our children to hate who they are.
We will win because we will not let our children tell other children to hate who they are.
We will win because we will accept your children into our families with love and tolerance when you have driven them away with shame and hellfire.
We will win because we won’t accept victims being blamed for the crimes against them,
Because we don’t equate “purity” with character,
Because we don’t equate individuality with sin,
Because we don’t equate intelligence with heresy,
Because we don’t equate pettiness with godliness.
Because we don’t equate shaming with modesty.

One day those hateful seeds you sow
In your churches,
In your communities,
In your children,
Will grow into ugly plants,
And when that is all you will have to reap,
You’re going to have a lean, lean winter.

Enjoy your harvest. You’ve earned it.

Love,

The Heretic The Heathen The Sinner Smrt Mama

Reading a particularly disgusting thread on the WTM forums at the moment, entitled “What would happen if….70% of women, who hold full-time jobs, left the work force? Just for fun-what do you think would happen?”

In a stunning display of everything wrong, sexist, and just offensive on that forum (and in homeschooling AND in that “traditional” Christian mindset), one user replies, “More men would be gainfully employed and therefore better able to *properly* provide and care for their families,” and multiple users comment with the “I agree” icon.

Yes, let’s say that again. Let’s say it in big bold letters. “More men would be gainfully employed and therefore better able to *properly* provide and care for their families.”

Women leaving the workforce would be a GOOD thing, because then men could have jobs and be providers. It’s WOMEN keeping men from having enough jobs. It’s WOMEN who keep men from being “proper” providers. THOSE TERRIBLE WOMEN! I might just go puke a little right now. But sure, why not? I’m sure this plan would work out beautifully for everyone as long as you:

• Forget all the single parents families. They deserves to be wageless. Only MEN should provide for their families. If you don’t have a man, that’s your fault. You probably ran him off or you should have turned a blind eye to lying/cheating/abuse or you’re a slut for getting pregnant without a man.
• Forget the lesbian families. They’re going to hell anyway. If only they’d repent and get a MAN to provide for them.
• Forget the families where the mother’s education and training are higher, and she can get the better job. Education is wasted on women, anyway. Men should get all those jobs.
• Forget the families that need two incomes to stay afloat. Men can take a second or third job now that they’re available. That’s what a real provider does, and God knows, a woman can’t be a real provider.
• Forget the families where the man has been injured on/off the job, has developed a chronic illness, or  has some other health concern that limits or precludes his ability to work. Pshaw. I guess those guys oughta just suck it up. Shake it off, boy, it’s just a truck.
• Forget the families where the mom is simply happier at work and dad is happier at home. Women who aren’t happy at home have something wrong with them. Men who don’t provide for their families have something wrong with them, too.
• Forget the families where the man is just plain worthless and won’t work.
• Forget the families where the parents have little education, few job skills, and already work several minimum wage jobs to get by. What, dad can suddenly add an extra 12 hours to his day to pick up a fourth or fifth minimum wage job, to make up for the one that mom doesn’t have?
• Forget the families where one or both parents are incarcerated. All those kids being cared for by mom only, by grandma, by aunties? Well, it’s not like we really want the children of criminals to grow up in anything less than abject poverty, right? Keeping those kids in as low an income as possible will definitely make sure they grow up to not follow in their parents footsteps!

Thank goodness there are a few people with a lick of sense on that board. Best response so far was from Rivka:

The GDP would plummet. The US would drop many immigration barriers in a desperate attempt to prop up the economy and fill huge gaps in the workforce. Tax revenues plunge at the same time that there is a massive increase in the need for public assistance. Female-headed families become hungry and homeless in droves, and unfortunately there are very few social workers or professionally-run charities to assist them because the women who dominate those professions have all gone home.

Your husband will almost certainly get a big raise, but he’ll also almost certainly be pressured to put in 80-hour weeks as his company tries to function with so many fewer workers. Don’t expect to see him much. Don’t expect his increased wage to improve your family’s standard of living, either – in such a dramatic labor shortage, wages for jobs like supermarket checker and gas station attendant will have to go through the roof if those positions are to be filled, and so the prices of basic goods and services will skyrocket. Lots of US jobs will simply move overseas where there is plenty of cheap labor.

Hospitals are plunged into chaos with virtually no nurses; all elective procedures and routine care will need to be canceled while nursing training programs are hastily set up to train some of the new male immigrants in nursing. The death rate for hospital patients soars. Because things like mammograms, Pap smears, and colonoscopies are halted due to the need to prioritize on emergency medical services, the cancer rate climbs. If you have a relative in the hospital, be prepared to go and stay with that person yourself 24/7 to provide personal care, prepare and serve meals, administer meds according to the doctor’s instructions, etc. If you need to go into the hospital and don’t have someone able to sit with you, I hope you survive. There are no more midwives. Your options: unassisted childbirth at home or a virtually unattended (no L&D nurses) hospital birth in a criminally understaffed facility. Maternal and neonatal death rates soar.

At first it seems that elementary schools will have to close, but then they triple or quadruple class sizes so that male middle school and high school teachers can be spread out to cover all the grades. Parent volunteers fill in as best they can. Special needs students suffer the most; the vast majority of OTs, speech therapists, etc. are women, and those aren’t jobs that can be taken over by volunteers.

By the time everything shakes out and we return to some degree of economic stability, 30% of American workers are permanent residents or new citizens born in a foreign country. The huge influx of immigrants is hard to assimilate; they’re so critically needed that they must be welcomed, but U.S. culture returns to the atmosphere of New York City in 1900. Language barriers and lack of experience continue to depress the economy. There are nurses in the hospitals again, but they only speak rudimentary English and most of them are brand new. So the death rate doesn’t exactly go back down again.

And, by the way: women who wanted to work and/or needed to work will not universally find joy in being a stay-at-home wife and mother. Especially not given the increased economic stress caused by soaring prices and the increased workload caused by the scarcity of service workers.

“Just for fun?” It would be a social and economic nightmare. An utter nightmare.

Oh thank goodness! A better answer than “emulate the Proverbs 31 woman” or “sell crafts on Etsy.”

I’m a SAHM (mostly, I do on and off freelance writing/editing work) by choice, because Daddyman and I both felt it was important to have a parent at home, and it made more sense for that parent to be the one who could actually nurse the babies. The idea of all women being FORCED to stay at home is just absolutely terrifying. Seriously, WTMers, y’all are messed up sometimes. Maybe I need to start spending moretime on Secular Homeschool.

In the expanding files of “stuff I learned on the WTM forums,” today I have learned that eight is too young an age at which to expect a child to work independently.

Not “work independently on all subjects, all day, but to work independently at all, according to some forum members. Expecting an 8-year-old to work alone is apparently an unreasonable expectation. One woman said her 8 year old needed her mother to sit with her for her entire day of work in order to get things done. Another said her 9 year old had a similar need for constant supervision. To the best of my understanding, both children are typically developing and working on an age-appropriate level.

Is it really unreasonable to expect a child of 8-9 to be able to work independently for most, or even part, of the day?

Captain Science, who is now 9 and was 8 when we started homeschooling, definitely has days when he needs frequent check-ins (or frequent “Hey, do your work!”s) to stay on task. He’s a bit of a daydreamer and a confirmed procrastinator, and his mind wanders to bigger, better things. Most days, however, he’s pretty motivated to move through his work, and a simple “have you finished your…” is all it takes to get him going again. Rare is the day that I have to glue myself to his side in order to keep him working or answer a ton of questions for him. If I had to do that, I’d seriously start reevaluating if what we were doing was working.

If it were a matter of constantly having to answer questions, I’d look at whether the materials were above his level, presented in a suboptimal way for his learning style, or poorly written/organized/designed.

If it were a matter of having to babysit him, I’d look at the reasons he needed to be micromanaged — difficulty in staying on track? distracting environment? learned helplessness/realizing it’s easier to whine to me for answers? some issue on my part, like an inability to trust him to manage his time?

If it were a matter of my child needed me right by his side emotionally, I’d look into the roots of that insecurity and constant need for reassurance. We’d work on ways for him to become a little more emotionally independent. We’d look into possible fears or worries that were resulting in that great a need for assistance.

I would not just assume it’s normal for a child of that age to need constant attention and management, every single day, to get through his school work. Surely I am not the only person who thinks it’s a little wacky to think a typically-developing 8-9 year old needs that much hand-holding. I know, I know, every kid is different, but if your kid (again, typically developing, no mental/developmental/emotional issues) can’t get through any work without extra help or without a mom-parrot sitting on her shoulder, that might be a sign for a little deeper delving.

Sunday nights are lesson plan nights here at the McLernins house. Usually, I wait until the children are in bed, but today I was quite enterprising and plowed through the weekly plans while the kids watched a show on Netflix. I still need to type everything up and print it for tomorrow, along with prepping the folders for the week, but I’m glad to have the bulk of the work taken care of already.

Am I alone in noticing the “please validate my choices” stuff on the WTM forums lately? What’s up with that? I know there’s always an element of that in any parenting-related forum, but it has hit a crisis point lately. I should just make a post called “Everyone come and confirm my every choice is vastly superior to yours” and see if anyone gets it.

I recently finished Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger, author of one of my favorite books, The Time Traveler’s Wife. I must say, it didn’t leave me with that bittersweet sad/happy feeling I felt after The Time Traveler’s Wife. It did have brilliant pacing and a chilling, terrible (though beautifully written) climax. I felt haunted and heavy after finishing it.

Because I am a creature of grace and beauty, I potentially just blacked my own eye by whacking my face on the changing table. I’m wearing my glasses, which give me a horrid fish bowl view of the world, and when I leaned over to pick up a fallen baby wipe, BAM! Clocked myself in the zygomatic bone (see? injuries can be educational!) right at the rim of my ocular cavity. If I look like a boxer tomorrow, I’ll take pictures.

Badge the Beagle has digestive issues, for which he is taking his first trip to the vet while under our care. Room-clearing gas is one of the less pleasant symptoms. All I’m thinking is, “Oh please, oh please, don’t let it be parasites!” If it’s parasites, I’ll be pretty miffed, as he was supposed to be fully vetted and treated w/ parasite preventives while he was still w/ the rescue — the same rescue that took three weeks to send the finalized papers, and only then after about six emails from me. *hmph* Hopefully we’ll find a non-serious, non-parasitic cause to Tooty McTooterson’s stank gas, fluctuating appetite, and unpleasant poos soon.

We’re preparing for our Disney trip at the end of the month. I’m already starting to have mild panic attacks when I think about it. I love me some Disney, but it’s a big trip, with a lot of people, for a fairly long time. Yikes!

That’s all the (random) news that’s fit to print.