The first day has gone smoothly thus far, with a little hangup over Captain Science’s use of the word “scandal” in his history assignment — the rule is “don’t use a word if you don’t know the meaning,” and he didn’t know the meaning. Even after looking up the definition, he didn’t understand what the big deal was about Julius Caesar’s “adulterous relationships with married women” — and I did not enlighten him! Roman history is colorful, to say the least. I’m hiding A Day in the Life of Ancient Rome from his, as I don’t want to explain about some of the methods of execution. Being, ehem, loved to death by a bull to recreate the conception of the minotaur before a live studio audience? I’ll skip that lesson and the subsequent therapy bills.

I managed to successfully get everyone schooled, run my errands, and am now trying to decide what to feed them, before heading over to feed Nana and Papa’s cats (and possibly hitting Target for an additional stocking hanger for our mantel — five people, five stockings, but only four hangers currently, you see). I’m trying not to feel too down about Daddyman being gone all week, our undecorated half-lit tree (stupid pre-lit trees with stupid shorts in their stupid wires), and the fact that there’s still so much work to be done on the house before the holidays and our post-holidays guests. Oy! Humbug.

I’m getting a little worried about splitting Rome in half with the holidays like we’ll be doing. Will Captain Science retain everything over a two week break? Will he retain anything? Will we have to redo what we’ve done? Maybe I should make some trivia cards and pretend it’s a game, but really it’ll be homeschooling. Like that cookbook where they hide the vegetables in the cupcakes so kids don’t know you’re feeding them something other than white flour and sugar. And seriously, what kind of dumb idea is that cookbook, anyway?

Digression, for the win. It’s only Monday, and already I’m cracking up!

I am developing a game plan for the week, and that game plan is “keep them as busy as possible.” We’re going to run errands, go to meetings, do anything we can to stay active. We are going to be on-the-go-schoolers this week, because I cannot be cooped up in this house with our snaggledy-lighted naked tree like some sort of shut-in, just because it’s too damn cold for the kids to go outside barefoot (which, yes, they whine about). I have outlawed whining this week and declared that any “didn’t get my way” crying fits will result in laps run or times out, depending on the age of the child (Babypie excluded). I shall broker no crap this week, thank you ever so much.

Off to stuff the children full of some semblance of dinner before Babypie’s nap is over, then loading them all run them around to sleep. At least tomorrow is the La Leche League meeting, so I don’t have to concoct any entertainment (or lunch). Maybe I’ll make Captain Science sit in, take notes, and call it a science lesson. Maybe I’ll just trot my children out as an example of either evidence of breastfeeding’s link to increased intelligence or a warning of how extended breastfeeding and babywearing can turn into a scary snowball, rolling downhill into full-blown homeschooling hippie crunchiness. We shall see.