Tank is dressing as Spider-Man for Halloween. On the drive home from Stevi B’s tonight (where we went to offset the sorrow of Captain Science spending the night with Memomma, but not Tank), Tank began to expound upon the various types of Spider-Mans. Along with “old” Spider-Man (regular o’ red suit guy) and “black suit Spider-Man” (symbiote suit), there’s apparently quite a long list of alternative Spider-Mans.
Types of Spider-Mans
as dictated to Smrt Mama by the Tank while riding in the car
- No-Hands Spider-Man. He has no hands and shoots webs from his arms.
- No-Head and No-Hands Spider-Man. His stomach is his head. His belly-button is his one eye.
- No-Tummy Spider-Man. His arms and legs and feet come right out of his head.
- Mind Brain Spider-Man. He’s a scientist of brains. If you need to find out about brains, you call him. He has a car with a map on it to help you find where the brains are.
- Muscles Spider-Man. He shoots webs from his muscles. My costume is Muscles Spider-Man.
- Wheels Spider-Man. Instead of feet, he has wheels. He shoots webs from his wheels.
- Top Spider-Man. He makes lots of statues. The statues shoot webs. “Top” is his nickname.
- Upside Down Spider-Man. His feet are his hands. His hands are his feet. He uses a tornado to walk instead of his legs. He shoots webs from his tornado.
- Robot Spider-Man. This side [left] of his body is Legos and this side [right] is robot. He shoots webs from his fingers. That’s what he is.
- Night Spider-Man. I don’t know about Night Spider-Man. He…He…I don’t know what he’s about.
- Giant Spider-Man. I forgot about one Spider-Man that I love, Giant Spider-Man. He’s a giant Spider-man. He can crush bad guys because he’s giant. It’s kind of hard for him to see, because he accidentally crushes buildings.
- Big Hand Spider-Man. He can crush bad guys with his big hands. He can punch them and stuff and throw them out of the world.
- Super Spider-Man. He can fly and he has a special rope that can swing on trees and go to the other part of the world. It might be the Dark World. The Dark World is so easy, I’ve found. That’s the world I’m on.
There you have it, folks. In case you were wondering about Spider-Mans, you now know all the different kinds.
