Smrt Lernins

My friend Heather’s oldest daughter is about to do something absolutely ridiculous: start first grade. I’m pretty sure she’s not allowed to be old enough to do that. In the spirit of preparing for this next stage in academic development, she IM’d me with this cute little message:

So, things homeschoolers never worry about:
1) Will the new teacher like my child?
2) Will my daughter make friends?
3) What if she doesn’t have any of her friends from last year in her new class?
4) Why am I sharpening so many damned pencils?

Oh, sweetie! Have I lead you to believe that the life of a homeschooler is a really so carefree? What a travesty! True, I don’t have to worry about teachers liking my child, but other than that? I have worries! I’m not worry free!

I worry about, on any given day:

1. Will my child be able to maintain his friendships with his public school friends?
2. Will my child have ample opportunities to socialize w/ homeschooling friends?
3. Will we cover all the subjects we need to cover?
4. Will getting in to college be too hard?
5. Does he hate homeschooling?
6. Does he hate me?
7. Would we all be happier if he were still enrolled in public school?
8. How on earth will I cover everything we need to cover?
9. Am I a failure for not having started Latin yet?
10. How about a modern foreign language?
11. Do my kids dress funny?
12. Are my kids well-adjusted?
13. Will my kids manage to actually pass those standardized tests?
14. If they don’t, what does that say about them?
15. If they don’t, what does that say about me?
16. Will I ever get a chance to sleep in again?
17. Do people think I’m doing this because I’m obsessed with Jesus?
18. What would Jesus think about this whole homeshooling business?
19. Am I way more boring than I used to be?
20. Why am I sharpening so many damn pencils?

See, Heather? We worry, too. We probably worry more, because the buck stops here. If our kids are all screwed up, we have no one else to blame but ourselves…and everyone KNOWS it!

Enjoy your babygirl’s first grade year and don’t feel too envious of us homeschoolers. We have it pretty good, but we don’t have it worry-free.

Heather: can we move from “radical unschooling” to “radical XTREME unschooling” like Dew the Dew?
Smrt Mama: hahha
Heather: duuude
Smrt Mama: I’m tweeting this
Heather:
Smrt Mama: There, tweeted
Heather: I’m infamous!
Smrt Mama: indeed
the infamous heather
Heather: also known as the fabulous heather
Smrt Mama: Yes.
infamously fabulous
fabulously infamous
I have sugar cookie scented bath salts
Heather: omg
Smrt Mama: and I’ve peed out three pounds this week
THREE POUNDS OF PEE, Heather
that’s, like, a lot of pee
Smrt Mama: um
did you collect it all so you could measure it?
Smrt Mama: no
Heather: or could some if it actually be weight loss?
Smrt Mama: but I weigh 3 pounds less today than I did on Monday
Heather: because i was worried you were getting all Howard Hughes on me
Smrt Mama: I do have a urine collecting jug
Heather: Embrace your first week
Smrt Mama: but not to actually use
Heather: DUDE
TMI
Smrt Mama: the OB gave it to me
I kept it, because hey, it might be useful
Heather: Okay
Smrt Mama: it wasn’t ever USED
Heather: I thought it was some weird homeschooling thing
Smrt Mama: I just threaten people with it
Heather: “Oh, hai! Let’s collect urine and distill it!”
Smrt Mama: I’m blogging this
Heather: Ever since I heard about mummifying a chicken, there are no limits…
Smrt Mama: Stop being funny. You’re making me have to copy and paste more.
Heather: Heehee!

After this conversation, I Google “things you can make from your own pee,” but nothing helpful came up. I stopped Googling before it became a thing.