Smrt Lernins

Dear Crazy Internet Christians,

It’s time I had a little come to Jesus meeting with y’all, alright? And yes, I’m aware of the irony there.

Now, you intelligent and compassionate Christians, who treat others with respect and who actually try to live life as modeled by Christ, can just sit right back down. This isn’t about you or even about Christianity (or at least, its foundations). I know that the crazies aren’t the only representatives of Christianity, or even comprise the largest percentage of Christianity, but they are, unfortunately, the loudest. You reasonable people have my love and appreciation for making this world a kinder place, though most of us differently-believers and non-believers wish your voices were a little easier to hear over the fray. God bless you for trying.

I’m talking to y’all over there, the other Christians, the ones who use your religion as a weapon of hate and denigration against others, who expect everyone in this world to treat your beliefs as true and absolute while you dismiss all of theirs as falsehoods and heathenry, who balk at any implication that an alternative set of beliefs might ever be acceptable to discuss (or God forbid, to actually believe), who wander around like rabid dogs in a hot summer street, looking for a chance to become righteously offended and bite anyone who commits the grievous crime of not thinking how you think.

If this is your version of Christianity, well, I feel awfully happy that I’m not a Christian (and even if I were, I’d be happy that someone like you probably wouldn’t consider me the right kind of Christian). You are not convincing me to become a Christian. You’re not convincing me to think highly of Christians or Christianity. You’re certainly not convincing me to think carefully about what I say, out of fear of offending you punkin dunkin liddle baby feelings.

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to hate Christians so much? A little hint — it has nothing to do with being afraid that your religious beliefs are right, being jealous of you, being lead astray by the devil, or any of the other nonsense your more extreme Christian groups keep claiming. Here’s a great example of the behavior that triggers that sort of response from others: Getting worked up over someone asking for recommendations of “books about Christian mythology for non-Christians”, dressing them down for daring to (accurately) use the term “Christian mythology” to refer to “the body of traditional narratives [everything] associated with Christianity,” accusing them of “insulting [your] intelligence” by asking for secular resources in a manner you find unacceptable, and really, when it all comes down to it, making an ass of yourself because someone is addressing a question to non-Christians on a board where you seem to think that everyone should feel obligated to ascribe to your narrow and unreasonably rigid view of Christianity, all while making plenty of blatantly insulting and ignorant comments about adherents to other faiths and their beliefs in the exact same thread and plenty of others.

That’s why people hate you. You’re narrow-minded. You’re petty. You’re completely self-absorbed. You see insult where none is meant just for the pleasure of feeling wronged. You’re judgmental. You’re hypocritical. You’re passive aggressive when you aren’t being openly aggressive. You cast the first stone into your neighbor’s eye. You’re just plain mean.

In short, you give Christianity a very bad name and you look like pure fools in the process. The best thing you could do to win people to Christ would be to just shut up, because y’all aren’t doing him any favors right now.

Sincerely,
Smrt Mama McLernins

P.S. The heathens called and they’d like their holidays back.

It seems to have become quite trendy among religious homeschool co-ops and resources to require parents to sign a “statement of faith” before enrolling their children in the program. These “statements of faith” may be as simple as swearing you are Christian and as complex as to make sure you match, theologically and philosophically, with the ideals of the co-op’s founding individual or organization on every single level. If you do not sign, you do not join. Insisting on a signed “statement of faith” may be within these groups’ right, but I don’t think it is right, morally. I also don’t think it’s particularly Christian.

What’s in a “statement of faith?” Ead’s Home Ministry would be happy to walk you through creating one for your religious co-op, because nothing says “love thy neighbor” like something specifically designed to “[e]xclude families that do not share the faith [you] have,” right? Among the many families you can exclude through your carefully worded “statements of faith” are those who practice “Non-Christian faiths and the cults” ( “cults” usually meaning “Mormons and/or any sect/denomination we don’t like”), believe in any form of “liberal theology” (like the notion that the Bible isn’t absolutely literal, accurate, and perfectly translated — not matter what version you’re using), or who don’t believe in the “truth about hell” (“truth” being a word I’ve noticed gets thrown around a lot in groups of this nature).

The words that springs to mind when I see such required “statements of faith” aren’t “devout” or “Godly.” They’re “defensive” and “insecure.” Surely, one who is secure in the rightness of one’s faith wouldn’t feel threatened by the inclusion of someone who didn’t think exactly alike. Surely, allowing a secularly homeschooled child to participate in a math or art class with your children won’t shake your children’s religious foundation or be an affront to your God. What’s the real intent of a “statement of faith” anyway? Is it really to help protect those of different faiths from being “uncomfortable” or feeling out of place, as the above website claims?

Do religious homeschool co-ops really believe they are in danger of being inundated by secular homeschoolers, with the intent of converting (or unconverting) their children and bringing down their organizations? The teachings of some fundamentalist churches are awfully paranoid, so perhaps they are ascribing an agenda to secular homeschoolers and our children. Concepts like “tolerance” and “inclusivity” are presented as subtle ploys to undermine belief. Personally, I’ve never met a secular homeschooler who wanted to waste their money and their child’s educational time on a creationist science class or Titus 2-style daddy/husband worship Bible study program, period, let alone one who desired to waste that time and money simply to undermine the program. We might like to enroll in classes on art, music, math, or a variety of other subjects. If we find the subject matter or the co-op itself to be so offensive, counter to our beliefs, or beyond our comfort level, we just don’t sign our kids up for it.

I know a few secular homeschoolering families who participate in religious co-ops in order to have access to classes and opportunities they wouldn’t otherwise get. Their goal isn’t to disrupt class or try to dispute any religious messages. They don’t teach their children to argue with the teachers or try to convince the other children in the class that their beliefs are wrong. The expect their children to be respectful of the co-op’s teachers, rules, and beliefs, just like you would respect the rules and beliefs of someone in whose home you were a guest. Most of them use the differences in beliefs as an after-class teaching tool, to show that people who believe different things can still come together in certain areas. Isn’t that a message we want to teach children, rather than the message of excluding and reviling anyone not exactly like us?

In many areas, especially smaller towns and rural regions, religious co-ops are the only game in town. Thankfully, not all religious homeschool co-ops and resources require these exclusive “statements of faith.” Some have them listed on their website or in their paperwork, which is helpful in making the theological and philosophical foundation of the organization obvious, but don’t require that parents or children sign them. Some require only that their administrators and/or teachers sign. Plenty seem to still actually believe that their goal should be educating children and providing services to the community. That seems to mesh a whole lot more with what I’ve read about Jesus than “keep your kids away from mine, you sinner” — then again, secular homeschooler here, so I supposed my understanding of the Bible is automatically suspect.

Incidentally, I’ve yet to come across a secular homeschool co-op that required anyone sign a “statement of non-faith.” In fact, our co-op is “an all-inclusive group” that “welcomes diversity” and doesn’t “discriminate on the basis of race, religion, nationality, political views, or teaching style.” Is that really so very threatening?

I’m having one of those days where I want to reach through my screen and throttle people on the homeschooling forums. The hypocrisy from the religious homeschoolers towards the secular homeschoolers invokes The Slappening.

We secular homeschoolers are to keep our mouths shut and sit on our fingers. We are never to offer any thoughts on the efficacy or rigor of a curriculum. We are never to voice our concerns about the injection of religious content into materials, especially those that appear to be touted as secular. We are never to comment on a thread labeled “CC” (Christian content) or any thread that might in any way though on any topics pertaining to religion in any way under any circumstances…including evolution, which we just made up because we hate God, anyway. We must steer away from these places, where our opinions are not wanted. We can’t put “secular” in a post title as a warning that the post contains nothing for religious homeschoolers — the very notion is offensive and invites plenty of unwanted, unneeded criticism. Any mockery from secular homeschoolers of content we find ludicrous (literal 6 day, 24-hour creation of a 5000 year old Earth, anyone?) is “mean.” We must be accepting, even praising, of their “opinions” about things. You know, I think some of those “opinions” are pretty damn ridiculous, but I don’t leap all over their “CC” posts and say that — I keep it where it belongs, in secular posts or “what do you think” posts.

Religious homeschoolers, on the other hand, can say anything they want to us. They have no qualms in invading a secular thread to criticize its content. They have no problems dropping a snarky little remarkinto a thread of secular content…but we’d be reamed if we did the same. A secular homeschooler can’t call a creationist ignorant, but a religious homeschooler is perfectly fine with calling someone who believes in actual evidence-based science ignorant, arrogant, or ungodly. Sorry, unGodly. Any mockery (though of course, “Christians” like them would never mock…they’re just “being helpful”) of our educational content is because they are studying the One True Curricula that God Adores Best and it Just So Rigorous (despite having absolutely no basis in evidence) and ur doin it wrong. We have “opinions” and they have “truth” or, God save us, capital T “Truth.”

I could post until the end of days about how to make my child’s curricula more Godly or how to encourage more modesty, chastity, or religious devotion — that’s perfectly acceptable, no matter how many people disagree with that. If I post about how to make my child’s curricula more secular or how to encourage my child to question matters of faith instead of following them blindly, to avoid bigotry and hatred towards people who are LGBT, how to be strong and independent (especially if they’re girls)…well, that post should be completely torn to shreds by the “Godly” set.

I know not all religious homeschoolers are like this — most probably aren’t. I know not all Christians are like this — most probably aren’t. The vocal minority, however, makes it difficult to avoid painting them all with the same brush. After all, if they didn’t agree with it, why wouldn’t they speak up? Why wouldn’t they say, “Let’s respect this person’s right to believe differently or even to disbelieve” or “This post was labeled ’secular content’ so I don’t think our pro-religion input is needed here” when their more aggressive, extreme brethren (sistren?) start ruffling the secs? Speak up so we know we’re not alone and that it’s not about religious vs. secular, but a small handful of hypocrites vs. the rest of us.

Hypocrisy isn’t an attractive color on anyone and no amount of “Godliness” is going to make it any more flattering.

“If Jesus were being homeschooled, God would have taught him about Evolution.” –Nana (aka “Smrt Mama’s momma”)

While I strongly, strongly, strongly disagree with creationists (especially “young earth” creationists), I understand why people who believe in that would feel the need to rewrite all the science books to fit into their beliefs. After all, one really must come up with explanations to justify all the nonsense and debunk all the actual scientific evidence in order to not feel like they are in some way ignorant or gullible. I see where religious text can fit into a literature, writing, or grammar program. One needs example sentences, after all, so why not insinuate Bible passages at every possible opportunity. I can even see why it’s necessary to rewrite (or at least heavily edit) history from a fundamentalist Christian perspective in order to justify the unjustifiable and try to give back-applied context to historical events.

Math, however? Surely math is a subject that can remain secular. Surely math doesn’t need a religious context to be taught in a religious curriculum. Math is what it is and doesn’t require a lot of dressing up, right? I do not understand why even the most fundamentalist of Christians would feel the need to Jesus-ify mathematics, and yet, I assure you that they do. “Young Earth” creationists and Bible literalists just couldn’t stop with science, history, and literature. The “Christian approach to mathematics” or “Biblical math” has resulted in numerous math curricula. In fact, some claim that only through studies of the Bible can one “genuinely understand and affirm the real agreement about mathematical truths.” Math is a “testimony to God’s faithfulness” and you can order all manner of materials to help you learn more.

And lo, how Jesus does crop up in homeschool math curricula. Of course, all the Christian curricula publishers have their own math program, but some of the programs make math all about the Bible. Christ Centered Math will provide “a strong Scriptural foundation for arithmetic” for your Kindergartner, just in case they weren’t getting enough Christ in their Christ Centered Phonics. Bob Jones University Press promise that its math curriculum will provide “nothing to conflict with the Truth and everything to support it.” BJU Press is subtly letting us know that math will NOT stand in the way of Jesus. A Beka Book isn’t hung up on subtlety. “No subject matter better reflects the glory of God than mathematics. To study mathematics is to study God’s thoughts after Him, for He is the great Engineer and Architect of the universe,” says A Beka Book, who also promises to eschew “modern theorists” and their “modern theories” (like the dangerous set theory). Christian Perspective doesn’t exactly sell a curriculum, but will sell you a CD on how to teach math Biblically to your homeschooled children (along with several CDs on socialization) so they can “discover God in your math class.”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t really need God in my math class. I need math in my math class. All the Bible verses and that Biblical “perspective” are just getting in the way of actually imparting mathematical skills to children. Pretty soon, they’ll need a Christian Calculator to make sense of everything.

Why can’t it be enough to have God (and/or Jesus) in your heart? Why do you need God in your Calculus, too?