That is how rumors get started.
So, I haven’t been around in a while. I guess a few of you might have noticed, because I got a couple of “hey, where’d you go” and “I hope everything’s ok” comments, which is very sweet of y’all. To answer the questions:
Q) Where did you go?
A) To hell in a handbasket (but only figuratively, Rapture not withstanding).
Q) Is everything ok?
A) Yes, but also crazy.
Having a fourth child in the house, coupled with things like the end of the school year, some drama with Officer Daddyman’s work (furloughs aren’t exactly conducive to humor), my new commitment to personal health, and a newfound addiction to Glee fanfiction (for which I blame patchfire), I haven’t been in a blogging mindset. I’m just freaking tired, y’all. I do my best to be either funny, insightful/inciteful, or some combination of both, but I haven’t been able to muster up the energy for any of that over the last month or so.
Here’s what’s been up with us the last month-ish. I/we have:
- Finished our school year (technically, the 180 days is over), but Captain S still has a little more science and math to wrap up before he’s done w/ the subjects.
- Did our first round of standardized testing as homeschoolers (which was dramatic in its own right — will elaborate on that in a later post)
- Wrapped up our second season of soccer. Captain S enjoyed it and actually put in some effort this year. Tank actually shows some real athletic ability, which completely flabbergasts me, since I have none and don’t know what to do about it. Luckily, Officer Daddyman is a nice Midwestern yankee boy who grew up playing soccer, so at least someone around here isn’t sports-incapable.
- Completed the 30 Day Shred. More on that once the dress of doom is purchased, but suffice it to say, it was a HUGE accomplishment for the couch potato that was Smrt Mama McLernins.
- Watched our county commissioners refuse to raise the millage rate in order to continue fully staffed and equipped public services and tell the police department (whose budget is 96% salary) to cut 10% from its budget. They negotiated down to a <4% cut, which still means 40 furloughed hours between May and September. They've already had their overtime taken away. They've already gone without salary step increases or cost of living increases for a few years now. I'm grateful for Daddyman's promotion to FTO (so we had a slight salary increase this year) and his continued ability to get decent part-time jobs. I'm not grateful that our county commissioners would rather get reelected than take care of cops, firemen, and other county services.
And really, that’s just some of it.
I’ve got some stuff in the mental works. I need to report on my failed Four Books a Month in April (seriously, I didn’t manage it). I need to tell you about the dress of doom. I should talk about the testing debacle. All of that will have to wait, though. Right now, just know that I’m not dead. That’s as good as it gets.
I’m very excited to say that I will be teaching again starting in the fall! I really enjoyed the two semesters I spent teaching writing through the various co-ops, and I’ve been looking for a venue to teach again. I won’t be teaching writing in the ‘11-’12 year, though. I’ll be teaching blogging and “digital literacy.”
Here are my course descriptions from the online catalogue, if you can indulge me a bit, for Digital Literacy:
Email, instant messenger, Facebook, forums, blogs – our children have so many ways to reach out to other people with similar interests and wide array of backgrounds. Being online means being part of a large and vibrant community, but like any community, the online world has its own rules, social expectations, and occasional dangerous elements. Do your children have the skills they need to be smart and safe digital citizens?
Digital literacy is the ability to locate, organize, understand, evaluate, and analyze information using digital technology. More than that, it’s the knowledge of how to traverse the Internet safely, how to interact with others online in a way that is polite and appropriate, and what information they should or shouldn’t share. Students will learn the basics of email, safe web navigation, distinguishing between reliable and unreliable websites (a useful tool for research), online etiquette, and how to be a responsible online “citizen.”
And Blogging 101:
Are your children reluctant writers? Are they technophiles who are more comfortable behind a computer than in front of a crowd? Do they have a lot of subject-area knowledge they would like to share with others? Blogging is the perfect format to let them share their thoughts and to develop their passion for writing!
Blogging is a meaningful way to add your voice to the Great Conversation happening all around us. Students will establish and maintain a personal blog, participate in a class blog, learn basics of HTML, and generate content for their blogs that includes text, links, and embedded images and videos. They will learn online etiquette as they comment on others’ blogs and manage comments on their own blogs (with adult guidance). Parents will be provided links to class blogs and access to their students’ blogging accounts (unless declined).
Yeah, they’re a little hokey, but the point is to get parents to want to enroll their children, right? Plus, I really do believe blogging is both valid and valuable (perhaps especially for homeschoolers). I may have mentioned before that I spent two years working for a NCLB-funded grant initiative called Blog2Learn, where I taught middle and high school teachers how to integrate blogging into their (mostly low performing/at risk) classrooms. We had a lot of success with the program in terms of increasing writing output and improving writing quality. I’ve also taught a grown-up version of Blogging 101 (and the follow up, predictably called Blogging 102) at conferences. I feel pretty comfortable and competent in this area.
If I get parental consent, I may share some links to students’ blogs or to our class blog over the course of the school year, starting in the fall. Hopefully you’ll indulge me a little and give them some positive feedback.
To all the bigots,
To all the bashers of any[one/thing] non Xtian,
To all the misogynists and the homophobes,
To all the ones who equate being gay with being a sexual predator,
To all the ones who subtly or not-so-subtly blame women for their assault because of how they are dressed,
Or because of how they act,
Or how they don’t act,
Or because they had already had sex once anyway so what does it matter,
Or because they had the misfortune to be born with dirty-dirty vaginas and uteri instead of Paul-approved penises,
To the ones who throw around the word “heretic” as though it were the 16th century,
To the ones who throw around the word “heretic” without realizing how incredibly damn ironic it is for a Calvinist Protestant to call someone a heretic,
To the ones who call anyone who believes in a different flavor of Christianity a sinner,
To the ones who shame their daughters for being anything other than their primitive and controlling version of “feminine,”
To the ones who shame their sons for being anything other than their primitive and controlling version of “masculine,”
To the ones who claim to “love the sinner, but hate the sin,” when you obviously hate both,
To all of you who would rather keep your children ignorant than risk them learning something that’s outside your teensy little bubble…
We will win.
We “heathens” and “heretics” and “sinners” will win.
We will win because we have less shame about our bodies.
We will win because we aren’t afraid to accept new ideas.
We will win because we can distinguish between evidence-based science and something written by men, translated by men, voted on for inclusion by men, preached by men, and enforced by men.
We will win because we don’t think someone or something made us inherently wrong or bad.
We will win because we will not teach our children to hate who they are.
We will win because we will not let our children tell other children to hate who they are.
We will win because we will accept your children into our families with love and tolerance when you have driven them away with shame and hellfire.
We will win because we won’t accept victims being blamed for the crimes against them,
Because we don’t equate “purity” with character,
Because we don’t equate individuality with sin,
Because we don’t equate intelligence with heresy,
Because we don’t equate pettiness with godliness.
Because we don’t equate shaming with modesty.
One day those hateful seeds you sow
In your churches,
In your communities,
In your children,
Will grow into ugly plants,
And when that is all you will have to reap,
You’re going to have a lean, lean winter.
Enjoy your harvest. You’ve earned it.
Love,
The Heretic The Heathen The Sinner Smrt Mama
Now just tell me this isn’t the cutest thing:
Of course, Rhubarb was there, too:
What could be more adorable than four teensy girls (ranging from two today to three next month) waiting oh-so-patiently for those delicious cupcakes?
I had to wrestle her new plastic shovel (a gift from Patchfire and PC) out of her hand in order for this picture to be taken, but here’s the mama and her birthday girl.
The Feminist Breeder is doing a wonderful series of posts called Letter to My Daughter (incidentally, also the title of the Maya Angelou book I read this month for my FBAM), where mothers write letters to their daughters as adults. What would you like to say to your daughter? What would you like her to know about you or your feelings for her when she is an adult? If you have something to say to your own daughter that you would like to share, you can find out how to participate here. You might have to “like” The Feminist Breeder to read the note.
I think it’s a wonderful idea. I’m looking forward to reading all the posts from all different kinds of mothers to their all different kinds of daughters. I have a letter my mother wrote to me when I was a girl, maybe late elementary school or early middle school, that I treasure. I think it’s fantastic that The Feminist Breeder is encouraging other mothers to write letters like that for their daughters and to share them!
And yes, the very first post in the series is from yours truly.
I’ve had a lot of new readers on the blog lately, many of them not homeschoolers (and some of them not even parents at all).
I don’t think I over-glorify homeschooling. I really try not to. I know I have a strong pro-homeschool bias and that comes out in my posts. We’ve been through multiple different school settings before coming to homeschooling as the best option, so I feel like I’m usually writing from a good basis of experiences. If I make homeschooling seem easy or a constant stream of enlightenment and super-duper fun, please forgive me for presenting it thusly. It ain’t necessarily so.
Here is the blog’s honest truth: Sometimes it really, really sucks to be a homeschooler. The last two days have been those days. For the record, trying to homeschool with a pounding migraine is far from fun. Basic parenting stuff is difficult with a migraine; now add teaching lessons and checking work and driving around signing up for homeschool soccer on top of that. Not fun. Homeschooling does contain a lot of fun and enlightenment, and sometimes it’s even a little bit easy, but it also has a whole stinking heaping of “suck it up.”
I really wanted to write something else riveting to keep my new readers coming back for more, but right now I think I’d rather prefer my new readers coming over and taking turns pouring shots of scotch down my throat…and I don’t even like scotch. It’s been that kind of past two days.
I am running dry of brilliant new ideas, y’all. Migraine-brain isn’t very good for that. Any suggestions? How about y’all talk amongst yourselves?
I’ll be the first to say that if you’re getting most of your parenting advice/information from Parenting magazine, you probably need to trot on down to the library for a while and find some actual books on topics of child development, breastfeeding, and maintaining a healthy marriage. Parenting is not interested in you knowing about those things. I think they hit a new low with their article 20 things moms should never feel guilty about, however.
First, they lure you in with #1-4, which all seem pretty reasonable. Then suddenly you’re being given horrible breastfeeding advice (the kind of advice that will tank your supply and/or screw with your baby’s ability to nurse correctly; if you want to formula feed, do it, but if you want to breastfeeding, don’t screw it up by supplementing and giving early bottles) and being encouraged to lie to your friends to make yourself look good, lie to your husband to spend money behind his back, take joy in the [perceived] inferiority of others’ children, and make yourself sexually appealing for random men (but not wanting to have sex with your partner, to whom you’re also lying about money, is totally ok). Oh, and leave your kid to sit in a diaper full of poop, because there’s nothing wrong with that, right?
Parenting magazine doesn’t want you to feel guilty, but I do (well, sorta — see below). I think a healthy dose of guilt is far superior to an unhealthy dose of lies, damn lies, and leaving your kid sitting in poop. If you’re wondering why this is a Secular Thursday post, it’s because I’d like to point out that guilt isn’t solely the purview of religion, just like morality and ethics are not solely the purview of religion. Being non-religious (or even atheist) doesn’t mean you exist without moral guideposts or aren’t still eaten up with the things you do wrong (or “wrong”). Guilt IS what helps guide our moral compass. Feel guilty, but feel guilty about stuff that will actually help you, not stuff that will hinder you.
A list of 20 is kind of overkill, though, so we’ll just go with 6, because this is a blog and nobody wants to have to turn the page. With that in mind, I present to you:
1. Undermining yourself before you ever give yourself a chance to succeed. Whether it’s breastfeeding, homeschooling, going back to school, or learning a new craft, skill, or hobby, don’t set yourself up to fail. Don’t give yourself that “just in case it’s not going perfectly, I can quit” out; make yourself stick to it long enough to get past the rocky parts and see if it really is the right thing for your (and/or your kids). Look for one or two of the best resources on whatever it is you’re doing (don’t clutter yourself up with too much advice from too many disparate sources) and line up one or two support people who you know will be your cheerleader. This isn’t advice to feel guilty about not getting it right or not being 100% successful or changing your mind about what’s right for you; things don’t always work out as planned. The real failure is in not having the faith in yourself to give yourself the kind of fair chance you’d give anyone else.
2. Short-changing your accomplishments and only talking about your chid(ren)’s. One of the worst things women do to themselves isn’t to play up their kids’ milestones and accomplishments, but to downplay their own. That your kid sleeps for an hour longer that someone else’s kid is only an accomplishment in the short term, and it’s the kid’s accomplishment, not yours. Don’t make your child’s mini-milestones the only things you ever brag about. You are awesome; talk about it. If your friends don’t ever want to hear that kind of stuff, they’re not really your friends…or maybe they’re too afraid to talk about their own accomplishments and need a little support to find what’s great about themselves! Encourage them to embrace their own awesomeness, too — it’s so much more pleasant and less petty than playdate one-ups-man-ship.
3. Lying to your spouse/partner about your needs. Not all partners are equal when it comes to supporting their partners’ needs, but if you don’t even tell them your needs, how do you expect them to rise to support them? I know we want our partners to be psychic; they aren’t. You shouldn’t be sneaking off to get a manicure or a massage — not because you shouldn’t get those things, but because sneaking is beneath you and it’s beneath your partner. You’re an adult, for Pete’s sake! Tell your partner what you need, or you two really aren’t “partners;” you’re just two people who hang out together. If, after talking to your partner, s/he isn’t supportive of your needs, that’s a completely different issue, but when you lie to him/her about it, you aren’t even giving him/her the chance to step up.
4. Hiding how much money you spend or where you spend it. See above. Grown-ups don’t have to sneak around. Not only are you potentially wrecking your relationship with your partner by being dishonest (which sows a whole lot of doubt-seeds), you’re also potentially wrecking your family budget by hiding how money is spent. Not every family works off a budget, but having a carefully planned budget makes it a whole lot easier to plan for the hair cut, massage, pedicure, drink w/ the girls, etc. Don’t sneak; clearly express your needs and wants. Again, if at that point, your partner is unsupportive, it’s a different issue, but there’s nothing to be gained by sneaking around.
5. Treating your kid like a purse or a watch. Your child isn’t an accessory that you put on when s/he matches your outfit. Your child is a person. We don’t make other people sit in a pile of their own poop, ok? That’s just not cool. Parenting is often inconvenient, but try not to treat your children as though they were an inconvenience. They aren’t. They’re people, your people, your delightful wonderful tiny people who adore you and to whom you are the Master/Mistress of the Universe. Give yourself permission to show up a little late for appointments, just go ahead and accept you might have to watch your favorite show on Tivo or Hulu later, don’t leave the oven on, and stop to attend to your child’s needs when they arise, rather than when it’s most convenient for you.
6. Not giving yourself permission to be human. Humans are inherently flawed creatures. We screw up royally at almost every turn. Out best laid plans gang aft agley all over the damn place. We also waste so much time beating ourselves up over mistakes we’ve made that are over and done with. We wallow in our failures. Next time you screw up big time, instead of drowning in guilt over how you didn’t do it right, try to assess what can be learned from the screw-up and then say, “I’m human and humans screw up sometimes. What’s next?” When you hold yourself to impossible standards, you make yourself miserable and you aren’t a treat for those around you. I don’t mean to not set high standards. I’m not saying to excuse yourself for slack-assing through life. I’m not saying break wind at a state dinner (you know how I feel about manners). Just acknowledge you aren’t always going to get it perfectly right every single time. Accept it. Release that need to always be perceived as perfect. This is an area where I constantly struggle; I still feel guilty about a host of mistakes (ranging from insignificantly tiny to immeasurably huge) I’ve made over my life. I’m working hard to ditch the guilt over messing things up. Join me!
*And by “feel guilty about,” I mean, “give some consideration to,” because who the hell am I to dictate your guilt or lack thereof? I’m just a blogger, y’all, and Parenting is just a magazine. We aren’t the guideposts for your life. Listen to your instincts, make an effort to educate yourself from reputable sources, and if what I say helps you in any way, more power to both of us. <3 Peace out!
Do you ever feel completely, insufferably boring?
After the high from my smashing new haircut wore off, I found myself wandering around the house aimlessly, feeling sort of dejected and down and bored. Seriously, like “let’s dig our own graves” kind of bored. Wallowing around on the couch feeling pitiful kind of bored.
Suddenly, it hit me. I wasn’t actually bored. I was just incredibly, exceptionally boring.
The family joke is that I cut off all my hair when I’m about to break up with someone. My hairdresser knew I was getting divorced before my first husband did (thought he’s Charlie Sheen crazy, so it probably would have taken him by surprise no matter what). I think my hair gets the whack when I want to change something in my life. I don’t actually want to break up with Officer Daddyman, I’m sure you’ll be relieved to know, but the haircut is definitely related to my feeling of being boring. Deeply, broadly boring.
I realized that my hip, exciting, very-different-from-my-regular new haircut was the most interesting thing about me, at least from my perspective (I’m sure there’s a certain voyeuristic charm to watching my life from the outside, but y’all don’t have to live it).
Look at my day. My breakfast is almost always one of two things (oatmeal or yogurt), my lunch is variations on a theme (something on a salad), my dinner is something from my repertoire of about a dozen dishes. Coffee with breakfast, coffee again at 3. Homeschooling is challenging and even exciting in the big picture, but the day to day can get tedious, especially come this time of year. All day, every day, is filled with children and the million little things they require of me. Then it’s bedtime for the kids. Then I take a bath, have a glass of wine, and read a book. This could be any given day of the week. You can’t even tell if it’s a Monday or a Wednesday when you look at it. I love my family. I love my children. I love homeschooling and being a SAHM. I just feel like I, as an individual, am sort of boring myself to death with myself.
The sad thing is, it isn’t that the day is boring. It’s that I am boring. This is the routine that I have created. This is my handiwork, my boring, boring handiwork. Left to their own devices, my children would probably each come up with a completely different routine, all of which would likely conflict with each other, but which would at least be more colorful. Maybe those “let your kids do whatever they want” people have it right. Maybe I should give consensual living a chance simply because kids with fuzzy green teeth who stayed up until 4am might be different.
I worry that this comes across as a plea for validation. It isn’t. I get that I come across as at least minimally amusing on my blog. I’m a writer and if I cannot entertain you, then I obviously wasted my three years of graduate school (during which, I might add, I did not maintain a 4.0 GPA whilst pregnant and working like some other mom bloggers; I only managed a 3.8 while doing all those things) , since my blog is currently the only place I do any consistent writing (again, because I am boring, and cannot muster up enough creativity to really tackle my own creative projects). I’m not worried that I am perceived as boring; I’m worried that I am boring, in ways that y’all will never see, because I mask the truth of my boringness with my ability to tell a good story and poke fun at my own failings as a mother, homeschooler, and person.
Maybe it’s like body dysmorphia. Maybe I have a skewed perception of my personality, just like I’m sure I have a somewhat skewed perception of what my butt looks like. Maybe my really great and interesting personality and life are hiding underneath one of the cheeks of my ginormous backside. I guess I’m not the only one who feels this way. Do any of you sometimes feel hopelessly, helplessly boring, too? on’t try to validate me. You can commiserate with me, however, and let me know if I am like the cheese and stand alone (in my boring boringness) or if this is just part and parcel of being a homeschooler or a mom or just a person.
Are you boring, too?
I got my hair did.
Super short! Super bobbed!
