I have a t-shirt from Old Navy that says “so red hot” on it, with little hearts inside the letters. I bought it because I liked the pinky-red color (if you haven’t noticed, I like pink) and because it was deeply discounted to $2, since it was leftover from Valentine’s Day. When I bought it, I did a little second guessing about whether the shirt was even appropriate for a 30-something mother of three, but at the end of the day, it’s just a shirt, right? It’s cute and it’s just a shirt.
I was coming out of the Publix today, wearing this shirt, as two guys were walking in. They were probably around 25, looked like the kind of guys who probably have a lot of Korn and Insane Clown Posse on their iPods, were wearing baseball hats, sleeveless shirts, and cutoff jeans, had slightly too long goatees and lots of tattoos, and walked with that swagger those kind of guys often seem to have.
One of the looks at me, coming out of the Publix with my “so red hot” t-shirt and my bags of groceries, kind of shakes his head a little, and says, “No. You’re not.”
I hadn’t said anything to these guys. I had smiled at them a little, because I usually smile at people when I pass them going into or out of a building. I didn’t do anything to invite a comment like this. It was pure, unsolicited meanness.
I know what I am and I know what I look like. I know I don’t look like a supermodel. I’m a tad on the overweight side of things. I’m in my thirties, have three kids, and look it. I am probably a lot more likely to have someone tell me “You look tired” than “You look hot.”
I wasn’t aware that those things were a crime, though. I didn’t know that being those things while wearing a t-shirt with a silly slogan was on par with soliciting an insult. Who on earth raised this man, that he thought it was ok to speak like that to a strange woman, to any woman, to any person? Did someone let him grow up believing that it was his God-given right to insult a woman whose looks don’t meet his idea if “hot” or did he decide that on his own, somewhere along the way? Is he just another product of our woman-objectifying culture*?
I wish I could say I responded wittily or put him in his place or even slapped him across his rude mouth. I didn’t. Instead, I just walked to my car, stung and slightly embarrassed.
*Watch this video if you haven’t seen it before. It’s good.
What an asshole! Too bad you didn’t tell him that neither was he and at least you had a good damn reason. He was just fugly.
Yeah. I didn’t respond, because I was just too shocked to respond.
What a jackass. And he should be embarrassed of being such a low-life.
You’re beautiful, btw, and I’ve seen plenty of pics of you so I know what I’m saying.
He was probably proud of himself. I’m sure he and his buddy had a nice snicker at my expense. They were so clearly not raised right.
What a jerk! Oh man, it is probably good I wasn’t with you. Given how little sleep I’ve had, I probably would have launched myself at them and embarrassed you terribly.
I think it’s the kind of thing where, if it happens to someone you’re with, you’re able to leap to their defense, but if it happens to you, you just feel so…degraded.
I think when it happens to us we have to process all the emotions of rejection, hurt, shock before we hit angry and we can respond. When it is happening to someone we love, we skip all that stuff and go directly to bloody pissed off.
Yeah, people keep saying “you should have said…” or “I would have said…” but no, no they probably wouldn’t have said that if he’d said that to them. They probably would have done what I done, felt slightly ashamed or embarrassed, even though they had no reason, because that’s the POINT of someone making that kind of comment. He wanted to make me feel small and he did.
If he’d made someone WITH me feel small, though, that’s the point at which I’d have flown into a rage. I’m way more protective of them than of me.
You are hot and he’s an asshole. Wow.
Thanks, Sarah. I really don’t feel hot most of the time, but the thing is, I’m OK with that! I don’t feel the NEED to be hot. I’m ok with looking like a mom out with her kids or a mom at the grocery store or a mom walking in a parking lot.
Oh I totally agree with you. It’s enough trouble getting out of the house. You are gorgeous, though, even when you don’t try:)
It doesn’t matter what some random unattractive guy thinks of how you look. You are “So red hot” to the people that count, especially I’m sure to your husband.
Besides even with your “Dunce” cap I think you look pretty hot (sorry only photo I have for reference).
On the whole, I don’t spend much time worrying about whether people think I’m hot. I’m flattered is someone gives me look and all, but it’s not my goal. Being singled out as told I look BAD, though? That also isn’t something I ever gave much thought about until today.
Men can be such dinks sometimes and I’m sorry you had to experience that. I have been on the receiving end of some tactless, ignorant remarks made by men when I’ve been out with my daughter. Enjoy that shirt! I’m sure you rock it well.
First of all, let me say as a new lurker (and new homeschooler), that I’m happy to have recently found your blog. And, of course, I’m disappointed with jackassery in the world and that you had to experience it. Ugh.
What annoys me even more, though, are the a-holes who make these shirts in the first place. Why can’t one buy a cute shirt (as a woman) that doesn’t have ridiculous stuff on it? Ironic t-shirts are one thing, but notice the language that is put on women’s (and girls’!) shirts–from major retailers no less–you didn’t get this at a novelty shop! Compare these to those for men and boys. In fact, seems many men and boys’ shirts images and language are devoted to sports, hobbies, etc. Can’t say I’ve ever seen one referring to the wearer’s body or appearance. Don’t even get me started on shorty shorts, swimsuits, and sweat pants that have words across the derriere….never have seen those on a dude.
While I agree that a lot of the currently produced clothing is in bad taste and with the goal of objectifying women, I don’t think the blame needs to go to Old Navy or any other major retailer, here. A grownup man ought to be able to withstand the impulse to comment on a strange woman’s body or dress REGARDLESS of what she’s wearing.
Fully agree!
Wording on a shirt (regardless of what it is), is not an invitation for comment. Commenting on a stranger’s body at all is just, frankly, d-baggery–no matter whether the comment is positive or negative. Full stop. (Though, admittedly, I’ve seen more than a few that made me want to interview the wearer about their thoughts in selecting the clothing.)
And, I wouldn’t say I “blame” the Old Navy folks. It just annoys me that my options for clothing are limited in a way that, say, my husband’s are not since I’d rather not explicitly refer to my own body in what is on my body–especially if I found I liked the aesthetics of the clothing otherwise.
Consider the source.
He’s leading a shallow, mean life. What a waste.
I suppose most people feel this way, but seriously, I hate it when people are mean! I wish he would understand that if he is lucky enough to live long enough, he too will turn into the saggy, baggy elephant and be not so hot. Trouble is (in my experience), a lot of guys just really think that this aging thing only affects us women and they ripen like a fine cheese. The wrinkles make THEM more dignified etc. Ugh.
Sorry for you. From what I see, you are beautiful. I know this is off subject…but I’ll use this opportunity to say that YOUR KIDS ARE STINKING CUTE!
Fuck him. I saw you’re pictures and I think you’re hot.
That’s not to say that you owe beauty or hotness to anyone, especially random dudes in public. Your body is yours, not his to judge. Still, that was my first gut reaction. Sorry for being crude.
Crudeness is how we roll around here. Thank you for the compliment, as it was very kind.