Dear Crazy Internet Christians,
It’s time I had a little come to Jesus meeting with y’all, alright? And yes, I’m aware of the irony there.
Now, you intelligent and compassionate Christians, who treat others with respect and who actually try to live life as modeled by Christ, can just sit right back down. This isn’t about you or even about Christianity (or at least, its foundations). I know that the crazies aren’t the only representatives of Christianity, or even comprise the largest percentage of Christianity, but they are, unfortunately, the loudest. You reasonable people have my love and appreciation for making this world a kinder place, though most of us differently-believers and non-believers wish your voices were a little easier to hear over the fray. God bless you for trying.
I’m talking to y’all over there, the other Christians, the ones who use your religion as a weapon of hate and denigration against others, who expect everyone in this world to treat your beliefs as true and absolute while you dismiss all of theirs as falsehoods and heathenry, who balk at any implication that an alternative set of beliefs might ever be acceptable to discuss (or God forbid, to actually believe), who wander around like rabid dogs in a hot summer street, looking for a chance to become righteously offended and bite anyone who commits the grievous crime of not thinking how you think.
If this is your version of Christianity, well, I feel awfully happy that I’m not a Christian (and even if I were, I’d be happy that someone like you probably wouldn’t consider me the right kind of Christian). You are not convincing me to become a Christian. You’re not convincing me to think highly of Christians or Christianity. You’re certainly not convincing me to think carefully about what I say, out of fear of offending you punkin dunkin liddle baby feelings.
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to hate Christians so much? A little hint — it has nothing to do with being afraid that your religious beliefs are right, being jealous of you, being lead astray by the devil, or any of the other nonsense your more extreme Christian groups keep claiming. Here’s a great example of the behavior that triggers that sort of response from others: Getting worked up over someone asking for recommendations of “books about Christian mythology for non-Christians”, dressing them down for daring to (accurately) use the term “Christian mythology” to refer to “the body of traditional narratives [everything] associated with Christianity,” accusing them of “insulting [your] intelligence” by asking for secular resources in a manner you find unacceptable, and really, when it all comes down to it, making an ass of yourself because someone is addressing a question to non-Christians on a board where you seem to think that everyone should feel obligated to ascribe to your narrow and unreasonably rigid view of Christianity, all while making plenty of blatantly insulting and ignorant comments about adherents to other faiths and their beliefs in the exact same thread and plenty of others.
That’s why people hate you. You’re narrow-minded. You’re petty. You’re completely self-absorbed. You see insult where none is meant just for the pleasure of feeling wronged. You’re judgmental. You’re hypocritical. You’re passive aggressive when you aren’t being openly aggressive. You cast the first stone into your neighbor’s eye. You’re just plain mean.
In short, you give Christianity a very bad name and you look like pure fools in the process. The best thing you could do to win people to Christ would be to just shut up, because y’all aren’t doing him any favors right now.
Sincerely,
Smrt Mama McLernins
P.S. The heathens called and they’d like their holidays back.
omg i luv you!!
My favourite part was the idea that all Christians (and er…Muslims…and Jews???)take “Adam to Jesus” as historical persons who participated in factually true events. No, just…no. Even if you just stick with the Christian part of the statement it is SO WRONG. ARGH!
(also…hi!, Been reading your blog for a while, and really enjoy it!)
Hi right back at you!
I’m in the camp of non-Christian people who believe some Biblical figures, like Jesus, were real people who participated in real events…that have been mythologized and mysticized over the years, when people wouldn’t just truck with “He’s a wise teacher, why not listen to his advice” and needed him deified to be able to accept the increasingly insane things the growing Church was telling them to do. Just my opinion on the matter, as a non-Christian
Come to think o fit, why should I have to identify myself as what I’m not? I’m not a “non-Christian,” I’m an areligious believer.
Yes yes yes to that last paragraph. I detest being identified by all the things I am not, whether it’s not having my children in an institution or not hailing from Mars. I am not in the habit of referring to myself as ‘non-Christian’ either, except in places where people seem to find that important.
(Religiously, I would identify – if I’m pressed for a label – as a pagan inspired scientific pantheist and humanist. I’m only an atheist when I’m feel confrontational! I also identify as a cultural Christian, in the same way as some people are culturally Jewish, since both my parents come from Christian families and ethnic backgrounds. Incidentally, I get annoyed at the way some Christians seem to think that I shouldn’t be allowed to have an interest in the Bible when I’m not actually a “Bible believer”. Excuse me, but this book is a great work of literature and a cornerstone of my culture, so yes I am allowed to read it!)
I call myself a humanist, but Daddyman insists that I’m a deist.
Well you’d better decide quickly so they can figure out whether you’re the Antichrist, possessed by demons or simply stupid!
I am sure they probably think I’m all three. Oh well, I guess I’ll start worrying about that when burning heretics at the stake comes back into fashion. Until then, I won’t weep into my big heathen pillow.
Um, yes.
Sometimes I wonder whether those people are making some lame attempt at humor. Then I get very afraid when I realise that not only are they for real, but they also wield considerable clout over there. Oh and what’s with the cries of “Oh alas, woe is me,we are so victimised, the world is anti Christian”?? I mean, sure, Obama is a great improvement over his predecessor, but show me the first pagan or atheist president (bonus points if she’s a lesbian) president and then I’ll believe that your country isn’t dominated by conservative Christian interests.
OH yes, the whole “oppressed Christian” thing is just laughable. You’re not an oppressed minority, jackasses, and if you were, there wouldn’t have been stickers put in my county’s textbooks that warned that evolution was “just a theory” and there wouldn’t be anti-choice legislation.
Oh my STARS, did you see the comment from that idiot lionfamily1999
‘By modern, or living, I mean something that is recognized and used by a large number of people. Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, Judeism, Buddism, &tc. I know there are pagans, witches, &tc, but they are so far in the minority that I would say it’s more of a throw back to a bygone era (like living history folks, or all those darlings that dress like it’s the 30s).’
Paganism is just like the SCA! Also, it’s not modern or living.
Oh and the scariest part of all: they are *honest* people. They actually genuinely don’t seem to comprehend what the rest of us – and the tolerant Christian people – are talking about. Because, hey, mentioning the E-word in public constitutes religious persecution, apparently…..
Yes, it’s the honest inability to understand that they are demanding a level of respect and tolerance that is not only unreasonable, but that the consistently do not give people of differing beliefs. “Respect me, because I’m Christian. Respect my beliefs, because they’re Christian. Christianity automatically deserves more respect and consideration, so tailor all your words to MY needs.”
I love you so much right now. Total girl crush.
Being a Christian can be so embarrassing sometimes, but at least I can take comfort in being the wrong kind of Christian.
It’s the “right” kind of Christians that have driven a lot of the other kind of Christians away from Christianity, IMO.
Must. Not. Register for the WTM boards solely to start arguing on that thread.
But I wish you would!
I love when you say things I am only brave enough to think, or to rant to my husband about.
I have a friend on Livejournal who (despite being a Rev. Dr.) changed her username to remove the word “pastor” because the kind of Christians who were friending her were the kind you are ranting about above. She is a loving woman whose daughter is a lesbian…she is not quick to condemn anyone. If more Christians were like her, I would find Christianity more appealing.
It’s like that Ghandi quote: “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
Ditto Amelia!
“I love when you say things I am only brave enough to think, or to rant to my husband about.”
I’ve always had a certain degree of “call it like I see it.” Generally, I try to call it politely, but sometimes my buttons just get pushed too often and too aggressively for me to be able to muster up any degree of tact.
People on LJ always make those “boob nazis scare women off from breastfeeding” comment. I think that might actually be an accurate assessment of what the vocal, hateful Christians do for Christianity.
I love that Gandhi quote, btw. I actually tweeted it the same day I wrote this!
You are my favorite new (to me) blog!!! We tend to call those Christians “inbred, make you bang your head into a wall, believers” Not a lot of tolerance for them in my family.
Glad to be of service.
There belief and then there’s “good grief.” Some of those nutbags crossed the line like crazy.
You know, I haven’t been on TWTM boards for several months, but happened to log in the other day and saw that thread … the title just seemed to scream TRAIN WRECK IN PROCESS, so I skipped it. As a matter of fact, I’m still not reading it because I opened another thread about nutrition earlier today, and then vowed to not visit the board again for at least a day. I like TWTM boards because the overall level of discourse is a little more intelligent than many online communities, but sometimes the crazies seem to be running amok and it’s better to just walk away.
Also, I think the line “the heathens called and they want their holidays back” is great. I’m fantasizing about blurting it out at an appropriate time.
It was a magnificent train wreck. Full-blown derailing, cars scattered everywhere, the works.
Was there a crazy thread on nutrition? Now I have to go look for it!
Awesome! And yes, the last line was my favorite part:)
I have been looking for good books for my kids on prehistory, you know, the bits from 4.5 billion years ago through to 10000 years ago. But guess what, I don’t dare ask on TWTM forum!
Bhuhahahahaha I laughed right outloud. I secretly want to copy this and post it in about a hundred places rather than responding to the crap that happens. I think you put it well and in a lovely witty way!
Feel free to post it wherever, as long as you link it back here, too.