“Everyone homeschooler thinks her child is gifted.”
I haven’t even been homeschooling for a year, and I’ve already heard that statement more times than I can count. The perpetrator of the remark is usually a fellow homeschooler, though public/private schoolers sometimes say it, too. I’ve heard it said sarcastically, dismissively, bitterly, apologetically, patronizingly, and sometimes good-naturedly (with a little “bless their hearts” chuckle). I’ve seen it in blogs and on forums. Whether or not this is an attitude that the majority of people believe, it does seem to be fairly ubiquitous in the collective homeschooling mythos. I think there are a few different thoughts/intents behind the statement:
1. “My child isn’t gifted, so yours can’t be” (or the variation “My child isn’t gifted, and I’m resentful that yours is”).
2. “My child is gifted, but I’m afraid that if I say that, people will think I’m one of ‘those’ homeschooling moms.”
3. “I don’t understand the motivation to homeschool (or I fear that you think less of me because I don’t homeschool), so I’ll dismiss it as Special Snowflake Syndrome.”
4. “I’m tired of hearing bad behavior/developmental issues/general unpleasantness in a child rationalized by ‘he’s gifted!‘”
Now, I’m totally on board with that last one. I, too, am tired of all manner of behaviors being somehow justifiable because a child is supposedly gifted. Being smart doesn’t give you license to be a jackass. Quirky, yes. Eccentric, yes. But not a jackass. Having a gifted child doesn’t absolve you of your obligation to parent him, guide him, or correct him when he’s being a jackass. People are a lot more willing to accept your child’s giftedness if it isn’t wrapped in a box made of obnoxious jerk.
As for the others, well…
Here’s the thing: I do think there may be more gifted children among the homeschooling population than the mainstream school population, not because I think homeschooling makes your child gifted (I believe giftedness is inborn), but because I know there are many parents like me who have gifted children whom they have pulled from mainstream school because that particular set-up fails gifted students. Gifted students need to be taught differently than most public school teachers have been taught to teach. Homeschooling allows for working around some of the quirkier habits many highly gifted children share, while still challenging them to their fullest ability. For twice exceptional (2E) students, who are both gifted and have a learning problem, a homeschool environment can be even more beneficial. So yes, I think many, many parents have turned to homeschooling as a means of addressing the frustrations of the public school system (which was just not designed to teach the highest level of students).
In the homeschooling world, admitting you have a gifted child seems to be almost shameful. There’s the assumption by other that you’re making it up. If you don’t have “proof” of your child’s giftedness, you’re probably just another Special Snowflake mom with delusions of her own child’s grandeur. Of course, the parent of a truly gifted child can usually tell you as well as any test that something is different about her child. Gifted children don’t just work at a higher level, but have an ability to comprehend that is often far beyond their years. You can’t live with a child and not see that they grasp concepts most kids their age can’t.
Despite this, if you don’t have proof through testing, your child’s giftedness is in question in the homeschool community. As a result, parents write forum posts that include phrases like “my daughter isn’t gifted, just really bright…” and “my son is he’s working three grade levels ahead in all academic areas, but he’s not officially gifted…” Without proof of giftedness, they’re afraid to use the “g” word. If they did use it, the responses might vary from “why do you think your child is gifted?” to “a gifted child must use xyz curricula” to “you’re pushing your child TOO HARD!” Not only are you incapable of figuring out that your child is gifted, but on the off chance that he might be, you’re probably failing him academically, so it’s best to just keep your mouth shut about the whole thing (or just don’t mention your kid’s age when talking about curricula).
The first few times I heard “all homeschoolers think their child is gifted,” I said nothing. I wasn’t sure what to say. “My child is gifted” always sounded both defensive and like I’m exactly the kind of mom they’re talking about. Now, however, I’ve decided I can’t let that sleeping dog lie any longer. Captain Science is gifted — not “special snowflake gifted” or “working above grade level in a few areas gifted” like some people assume I mean, either. He knew upper and lower case letters and could write several of them at 18 months, could read at two, could follow (and often participate in) adult conversations — and understand that we’re an intelligent family (my brother, my parents, and I all tested into gifted classes when we were in school), so our conversations are often pretty fast-paced. We were told by his first school that they couldn’t challenge him enough because he already knew their whole curriculum through preK 4. He was skipped past kindergarten and into first grade by his second school. Before enrolling him in public school, we had him tested privately, and he tested an additional grade level ahead of his age (though we opted to not advance him a second year). In public school, he tested into gifted classes through both cognitive testing scores and subject knowledge testing scores. He’s gifted by any definition of the word — and still, I feel I have to justify my description of him as gifted (in fact, I’m doing that now, aren’t I?).
Let me tell you a little something about gifted children: A gifted child can still be awkward. He can still be as dorky as any kid. He can be totally disinterested in a subject. He can be perfectly willing to foist the work off on someone else. He can fail to grasp a concept on the first try (or he can care so little about the subject that he becomes purposefully obtuse). His sense of humor may seen absolutely bizarre to many people. He has areas of greater skill and natural talent, and areas where he’s ahead of grade level, but it’s still not his area where he flourishes. Just because the child in question does those things, it doesn’t mean s/he isn’t gifted.
Should I hide his light under a bushel because people believe identifying homeschooled children as gifted is de rigeur? Should I exhibit modesty topos on the Well Trained Mind forums for fear of people thinking I’ve misassessed my child’s abilities? Should I pander to the myth that gifted homeschoolers are a myth?
Personally, I’m inclined to tell them all to stuff it.
