In May of 2009, gay marriage was legalized in the state of Maine. On November 4th of this same year, a narrow (and I do mean narrow in multiple senses of the word) majority of Maine voters stripped gay citizens of their right to marry. 53% of Maine voters have decided that the love between two men or two women isn’t worthy of a legal union. They have decided that gay citizens are not deserving of the same right to marry their loved ones, to extend legal protection to their loved ones, to provide benefits to their loved ones. I’m sure all the God-fearing conservative voters of Maine are celebrating this as a huge victory. I personally think that God would be ashamed of them. I know I am.
My mother remembers when her school was integrated — prior to middle school, she had attended classes with white students only. I, on the other hand, grew up with a black best friend with whom I attended school from elementary school onward (and who is now my children’s godmother). When I was in high school, my gay friend pretended to be straight to stop bullying from fellow classmates. We faked a relationship so he could finish his senior year without harassment or threat of bodily harm from the rednecks in his classes, who stopped the bullying when they saw that he had a “girlfriend.” I had hoped and prayed that by the time my children entered school, that the brand of legal bigotry of my generation, anti-gay legislation, would be as much a thing of the past as the brand of legal bigotry of my mother’s time, racial segregation. I see now that this isn’t to be.
Laws banning gay marriage don’t have a direct impact on my life. I identify as heterosexual. My marriage to my husband is legal and recognized in all 50 states and in every country that recognizes a marriage that took place in the U.S. I have no reason to believe any of my three children will grow up gay, though I also have no reason to believe they’ll grow up straight. My issue with a ban on gay marriage isn’t that it’s keeping me or my children from marrying. My issue with a ban on gay marriage is that it is, in all ways, morally and ethically wrong.
The concept of a statewide ban on gay marriage flies in the face of our democratic values for several reasons. It places “states’ rights” (which, frankly, is a concept that seems to be whipped out almost exclusively to justify bigotry) ahead of both federal rights and individual rights. It devalues equality of individuals with the statement that all men are created equal unless those men want to marry other men. It deprives a portion of the citizenry of full and complete citizenship. It, in a large sense, says that to be gay is to be unAmerican, possibly even slightly less than human.
Perhaps this year, the Respect for Marriage Act will pass, providing at least some legal protection (though Federal only, and not nearly enough of that) and a modicum of rights to gays in this country. Perhaps within my children’s lifetime, the issue of gay marriage will become a non-issue, something that used to be a fight, but is now just another accepted cultural norm, just like the issue of interracial marriage is now a totally accepted cultural norrr…er,really, you guys? Really?!?!. I guess man’s inhumanity to man continues only vaguely abated, and this nation is still full of racist, homophobic asshole who try to couch their bigotry in Selectively-Bible-Thumping Think of the Children bullshit.
Why post about this in a homeschooling blog? Well, as a homeschooler, I can combat this sort of bigotry through education. As a secular homeschooler, I choose curricula carefully to ensure that no bigoted religious agenda makes its way into my school day. I can teach my children that who you love doesn’t make you less of a person, less of a citizen, less deserving of equal rights, or less deserving of love. We can have conversations about these gay marriage bans and why they’re wrong. I can integrate gay rights as part of our lessons on other civil rights. I can include homosexuality into our sexual education, not prescriptively (as some conservatives absurdly insist will happen in public schools if gay marriage is allowed), but as a normal variant of sexual identity, not something aberrant. I can disallow homophobic language and behavior from my family and in my home and make sure my children grow up knowing that whether they love men or women, they love and support they receive from me will be no different.
I can only hope that others in this country are doing the same and that this generation of young men and women will grow up to be better to their fellow man than my generation and our predecessors.
