Smrt Lernins

I had my first “these kids are homeschoolers” moment today while teaching my creative writing class at the co-op. Co-op policy for quieting a rowdy room is to clap three times. The students are supposed to respond by clapping three times. I’ve joked with my students that instead of clapping, I’ll just wave my arms wildly until they look at me, because I felt silly clapping at a group of such brilliant writers.

Today, the class was getting a bit rowdy, so I did the triple clap. They all clapped back at me. I triple clapped again. They all clapped back at me. I clapped “shave and a hair cut.”

They clapped “shave and a hair cut” back at me.

Yes, that’s right. They clapped the same thing right back at me. I thought that maybe, just maybe, they’d been on such a roll with the clapping that they didn’t realize what I’d clapped, so I clapped it again. Once again, they responded by clapping it back at me.

These kids didn’t know “shave and a hair cut, two bits!” Ok, two be fair, two of them (of the nine) knew it, but the other seven kids didn’t know that the appropriate response to a clapped “shave and a hair cut” is “two bits.”

I explained what I was doing and what the correct response was. I clapped for example. I sang “bump ba da dum dum…dump dump.” I even sang “shave and a haircut, two bits.”

Once again, I clapped “shave and a haircut.” Once again, they clapped “shave and a haircut” in response. Really, you guys? Really?

I explained that, one day, they’d go to college and they’d be expected to know things like this, or people would look at them like they had something wrong with them. The would not make it as well-adjusted adults without knowing the appropriate response to “shave and a hair cut.” I carefully coached them in the appropriate response. Two bits, people. TWO FREAKING BITS.

One last time, I clapped “shave and a hair cut.”

Well…8 out of 9 of them are going to turn out all right, at least.